The 8 Miracles of VAGINUKAH

HAPPY VAGINUKAH!
We love winter festivals - light, fried things, trees on the inside, booze with added booze in it.
But for a long time I’ve sensed that something was missing. So.
WELCOME TO VAGINUKAH.
A new festival combining the joy of the light of Chanukah with eight chances to
CELEBRATE THE MIRACLES OF THE VULVA.

HAPPY VAGINUKAH NIGHT 1!
8 Miraculous Cunt Facts for 8 Nights of Chanukah
THE FIRST MIRACLE OF VULVAS:
Pubes. Pubes are getting ripped off around the place at the moment. How you coiffe is up to you but here’s a thing - your bush may well be serving the purpose of absorbing and disseminating your pheromones- helping to attract potential shtup-folk. Like a hairy, sex-positive loudspeaker.

HAPPY VAGINUKAH NIGHT 2!
The second miracle of vulvas:
A clitoral orgasm has between about 3 and 16 contractions.

Oh hi!
HAPPY VAGINUKAH NIGHT 3!
The third miracle of vulvas:
Unaroused, the average vagina is roughly three to four inches deep. But during sex it can expand to twice as big - that's partially because of a process called vaginal tenting, and happens due to Rugae - small pleats that expand and contract. Like a fabulous internal pleasure-ruching system.

That's right:
HAPPY 4th night of VAGINUKAH!
The fourth miracle of vulvas:
Besides the clitoris being made up of the clitoral head, the hood and the clitoral shaft, it is also composed of the urethral sponge, erectile tissue, glands, vestibular bulbs and the clitoral legs.
THE CLITORAL LEGS.

Yup!
HAPPY VAGINUKAH NIGHT 5!
The fifth miracle of vulvas:
'Clitoris' probably comes from the Greek word, Kleitoris, which in turn comes from Kleio -to close, as with a door or latch. Maybe labia are like doors that enclose the clitoris, folks. Or maybe it's clitoris as metaphorical gateway to A PLACE OF DREAMS.

Ciao Cunt Lovers!
HAPPY VAGINUKAH NIGHT 6!
The sixth miracle of vulvas:

The vagina is tilted at roughly a 130-degree angle.
Making it Obtuse, in purely mathematical terms, but - I would argue - Acute in many others.

Nearly there!
HAPPY VAGINUKAH NIGHT 7!
The seventh miracle of vulvas:
Menstrual Cramps! Ok. They are not a miracle. BUT newish research suggests cannabis suppositories for pain relief might be. More money for more research for more female body stuff please.

HAAAPPPYYY FINAL NIGHT OF VAGINUKAH FOLKS!
The eighth miracle of vulvas:
Let’s talk squirting. Between 10 and 70% of women ejaculate during sex. It ain’t urine and it ain’t vaginal secretions. It is its own damn self. It comes from the skenes - tiny glands on the side of the urethra.
So hooray for you if you do, and hooray for you if you don’t. If we’ve learnt nothing else from these miracles o’the cunt it’s that Every Kind of Vulva is Welcome at Vaginukah.
Especially yours.

And that hereby concludes The Inaugural 2018 Vaginukah.
It’s been delightful.
Mark it in your calendars folks. We’re going annual.

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