I BABYSAT YOUR CHILD LAST NIGHT, EXPECT TO BE ASKING YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS

Why is my child talking into a sock as if it's a walkie-talkie?

Why is my child now whispering SASHAY AWAY threateningly when I enter a room?

What has happened to the washing machine?

When can I take my child's orange teddy bear out of the freezer without my child shouting LOCK HIM UP LOCK HIM UP?

Why does my child now stand in the bath with their arms up shouting I'M FLYING JACK?

How long does armpit chafing due to auto-fart noises take to clear up?

How does one play RAMPAGE RAMPAGE RAMPAGE RAMPAGE and how does one stop playing it?

When will my child stop trying to move things with their mind?

Who is Beryl and why does my child keep shouting her name into the toilet?

Where are all the forks?